


when my world is falling apart

by liketwotiedships



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Angst??, Fluff, M/M, we hate jose club
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29207760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liketwotiedships/pseuds/liketwotiedships
Summary: He thinks back for a second, back to the early days before the two of them were caged in and monitored on social media. It seemed like a world away now, silly posts on Instagram, Dele’s ridiculously long Snapchat stories, not a care in the world. Always side by side on the pitch, winning or losing, facing it together.
Relationships: Dele Alli/Eric Dier
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

By the time he leaves the training ground, Eric’s head is throbbing and exhaustion is sinking into every fibre of his body.

Training has killed him this week, he knows he’s probably pushed himself too far.

Anything to try and take his mind off the current situation.

He slides into the car and starts the engine, barely glancing back as he drives off and out the gates.

The journey home is in near silence, the streets mercifully quiet.

Dele’s car is on the driveway.

Eric parks up and heads inside, sighing in relief as he kicks off his trainers and nudges them against the wall.

The house is quiet, Clay is still with his brother.

He can see a dim light from the small room at the back of the house.The den, as Dele calls it. 

Eric heads through and sure enough, Dele is on the sofa. The TV is flickering and Dele is staring at it, expression zoned out and faraway.

He glances up and manages a smile. Eric knows they need to talk.

Everything is falling apart at the seams when it comes to Dele lately and his place at Spurs.

And despite Eric assuring him the situation would improve… it had dramatically nosedived.

“You ok?” Eric asks softly.

Dele just shrugs at that, pulling his hoodie up to hide half his face.

Eric’s hoodie, at that.

“Back in a second, ok?” Eric murmurs. He goes to discard his bag and training kit, throwing it into the washing machine before pulling on an old hoodie and some shorts.

When he goes back, Dele is still in the same spot and Eric slides onto the sofa next to him.

“Hi.” Dele mutters then, voice low.

HIs eyes are fixated on the TV, the glow casting shadows across his sharp cheekbones.

“Hi, Del.” Eric murmurs.

He reaches out and slides his hand up the younger mans neck, massaging gently.

Dele is tense, his jaw clenched.

“How was training?” Dele asks, finally looking at him.

Eric considers the question. “Hard. Think I overdid it.”

He slips his hand up into Dele’s curls, caressing them softly. “Wanna talk about it?”

Dele frowns lightly and shakes his head.

“What’s to talk about?” he says. “I’m the one nobody wants, shock horror.”

He picks up his phone then and turns it over in his hands repeatedly.

Eric sighs. “Del.” he says gently. “I… I know this is awful for you, amor. I know.”

“No you don’t.” Dele mutters. He throws the phone down next to him and turns to look at Eric again.

His eyes are wild and damp with emotion.

“I do.” Eric says softly. “I’ve been there, you know I have.”

They look at each other for a long time and Dele frowns, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie down over his hands.

“I hate this.” he whispers then. “I fucking hate it, Eric.”

“I know. I hate it too.” Eric says softly. He drags his thumb gently down Dele’s cheek, stroking his skin. “Did you speak to your agent?”

“Tomorrow.” Dele mutters. “Wont make a difference, will it? _He_ wont play me. And they wont fucking send me out on loan, so whats the point in any of this?”

Eric doesn’t know the answer to that, doesn’t know the right thing to say.

He shifts in closer. “C’mere.” he whispers. “Come sit with me.”

“Don’t need pity.” Dele says darkly. In contrast to his words though he turns and reaches out his arms, wrapping them round Eric’s neck.

“Its not pity.” Eric clarifies. He pulls Dele close to him, encouraging him onto his lap.

Dele sniffles then and presses his face against Eric’s shoulder, letting out a shuddery breath.

“Oh, Del.” Eric sighs. He gets both arms round the younger man and pulls him close. “It’s ok, it’s all gonna be alright, I promise.”

“Its not.” Dele chokes out. “I’m fucking done Eric, I hate this, I don’t wanna do it anymore.”

Eric swallows, he knows this is all emotional talk but it scares him.

He slid a hand under Dele’s hoodie and began to gently stroke his skin. “Shhh, I know, it’s ok.”

“If I cant play football, whats the point?” Dele whispers, voice heavy with emotion.

“You will. You will play football.” Eric assures him. He turns his head and peppers some soft kisses to Dele’s face wherever he could reach.

“I hate this.” Dele chokes out. He grips Eric tighter then.

“Me too.” Eric whispers. “Look at me, come on, please Del?”

Dele sniffles but obeys, pulling back and blinking.

His face is tear stained, eyes shuttered.

He sighs deeply and moves his hand up, stroking Eric’s buzzed haircut.

“Tomorrow you can talk to your agent and get a clearer idea of whats going on, ok?” Eric says gently, trying to be pragmatic and sensible in the face of crisis. “We can talk more after that, when we… know all the options.”

Dele nods, jaw still clenched.

“I know it’s bullshit, Del.” Eric presses on. “But we’ve overcome so much other bullshit, yeah? We always do. Look at us, we’re still here aren’t we?”

He slides a hand up Deles neck again.

Dele nods, their eyes meeting. “Yeah.”

He leans in then and Eric kisses him softly.

Dele sighs into it and they stay that way for a while, trading soft kisses and whispering the odd thing.

“Come on.” Eric says eventually. “Let’s go to bed, watch a movie, do something yeah? Hate seeing you like this, need to get a smile out of you somehow.”

Dele does smile then, faintly. “Alright.”

His eyes search Eric’s for a long moment. “Did you hurt yourself in training?”

Eric sighs, grimaces a little. “Just overdid it. Frustrated and… miss you being there, next to me. It’s not right without you, Del.”

“I miss being with you too.” Dele says softly. He traces Eric’s ear with his fingers. “Don’t injure yourself, for god sake. One of us needs to be playing at least.”

“I know. Just out of sorts without you.” Eric shrugs. He pulls Dele back in and they kiss softly, foreheads pressed together.

“What if… “ Dele frowns then and trails off his sentence immediately. “If my agent cant sort it?”

“He will.” Eric says, trying to project confidence in his voice. “It’ll help, to talk to him. I’ll be there, if you like?”

Dele nods at that. He tangles his fingers in the strings of Eric’s hoodie, knotting them idly.

Eric ducks his head and their eyes meet.

“Come on.” Eric repeats himself softly. “Lets go lie down.”

Dele nods again and slides off his lap, stretching.

He turns off the TV and grabs his phone, slipping his hand into Eric’s.

Eric diverts them to the kitchen to grab some drinks before nudging Dele up the stairs. “Go on, be there in a second.”

He focuses on double locking the front door and setting the alarm and switching off lights.

When he gets upstairs, Dele is pulling off Eric’s hoodie and instead pulling on one of his NFL t-shirts.

They get ready in a somewhat calmer quiet, brushing their teeth side by side.

Eric snaps off the light and they curl up in bed then, silence settling for a long minute.

Eric can sense Dele’s discomfort, his need to talk. But he also knows he cant be pushed into it, so he stays quiet, giving the younger man time.

It pays off and after a few minutes of silence, Dele turns suddenly and buries himself in Eric’s arm, sighing deeply.

“Talk to me.” Eric whispers, kissing Dele softly on the temple.

“S’just bullshit.” Dele mutters, voice low. “I hate it, I hate not playing, this has been my worst fucking season ever.”

Eric sighs.

“Its not your fault, Del.” he says. “You’ve been injured, you’ve been left out…”

“He’s never gonna play me. So whats the point?” Dele says. He clutches Eric’s t-shirt then, balling his hands in the material out of frustration. “Might as well just fucking retire.”

Eric sighs then and hauls Dele in closer, sliding his hands up the younger mans neck. “Hey, look at me.”

Dele protests weakly but obeys, raising his eyes to Eric’s in the darkness.

“Stop this talk.” Eric says quietly. “I know its unfair but you are still unbelievably talented, Del. This bullshit situation doesn’t change who you are or what you’re about, as a player.”

Dele frowns but nods.

“Soon you’ll be back out on the pitch and this will all be behind you.” Eric promises quietly.

He swallows back the fear of the unknown.

Where Dele will be. London. Spain. Halfway across the world?

“Just wanna play. With you.” Dele clarifies. He rests his head against Eric’s chest, looking up at him. “Wanna go back like three years when it was alright, mostly. Like, we had ups and downs but not like this.”

“I know.” Eric murmurs.

He thinks back for a second, back to the early days before the two of them were caged in and monitored on social media. It seemed like a world away now, silly posts on Instagram, Dele’s ridiculously long Snapchat stories, not a care in the world.

Always side by side on the pitch, winning or losing, facing it together.

“They said I had too much too soon.” Dele mutters then.

He avoids Eric’s eyes this time, picking a thread on his t-shirt instead. “On Sky Sports. Said I was a big prospect and now I’ve nosedived.”

“Its not your fault.” Eric says quietly. “None of this is. It’s him, it’s the club. You are still the same talented player you’ve always been, amor.”

“Maybe.” Dele huffs out a sarcastic laugh. “Wouldn’t fucking know. No one will let me kick a ball around.”

“It’ll help to talk to your agent tomorrow, yeah?” Eric murmurs.

He slides a hand up through Dele’s curls comfortingly.

“Guess so.” Dele shifts his weight up then and cuddles into Eric with no warning, arms round the older mans neck.

Eric holds him tight, burying his face against Dele’s neck and exhaling.

“Sorry.” Dele sniffles, voice thick.

“Shh. Nothing to be sorry for. Wish I could take all this stress away from you.” Eric whispers.

He grabs the duvet and pulls it up over them, settling back and holding Dele tightly. “Come on, let’s talk about something else for five minutes at least, yeah?”

Dele nods and sighs as Eric kisses him softly on the temple.

“Like your big bald head modelling the new Nike collection.” he mutters.

Eric laughs out loud then. “You didn’t like the pictures, no?”

“Just saw your big egg head.” Dele smiles, nuzzling into the other man. “M’gonna confiscate that razor, Diet.”

“Its lockdown!” Eric protests. “I cant exactly get a fresh trim, can I? And you’re one to talk.”

He run his hand through Dele’s long curls, scratching lightly.

Dele sighs, more tension leaving his body. “Mmm, nah. Guess not. I could trim you.”

“I’ll stick to my buzzcut, thanks Del.”

“You don’t trust your own boyfriend to cut your hair?”

“Ah well, its a two way street. Means I can cut your hair.” Eric laughs. “What you saying now?”

Dele pulls back then and smiles. “Piss off, you’re coming nowhere near my hair.”

“So we’re even.” Eric smiles. He pulls Dele in and kisses him softly. “Now, sleep, ok? Everything will be a bit better tomorrow, amor. I promise.”

“Ok.” Dele nods, eyes sleepy. He traces his thumb across Eric’s cheekbone. “Thanks.”

“For what?”

“Stopping me losing my mind.” Dele says.

“You’ve done the same for me many times over these last couple of years, Del.” Eric reminds him. “S’what we do, yeah? Its what relationships are.”

Dele smiles at that and nods, stealing a quick kiss before cuddling back into Eric’s arms. “Now tell me a good story about our holiday next year when this fucking pandemic is over.”

“Jamaica?” Eric smiles.

Dele nods and sighs, eyes closing.

The last thing he hears is Eric’s soft voice describing golden beaches and cocktails before his brain finally gives in and he’s asleep.

*


	2. Chapter 2

“DEL! COME ON!” Eric leant against the bannister, looking up the stairs.

After a long minute he heard hurried footsteps and Dele appeared in his training kit, a comb in hand.

“Bloody hell Diet, ok.” he frowned, bumping down the stairs noisily.  
  
“You don’t wanna be late on your first training session back.” Eric reasoned sensibly. He grabbed his training hoodie and pulled it on.“Got everything?”

“Yep.” Dele found his phone and began to scroll through something. “Ready and raring to go. _Not_.”

Eric studied him for a moment. “It’ll be fine, Del.” he said softly. “Hey, look at me?”

Dele sighed and dropped his phone down, obeying the request.

“Everyone misses you, you know?” Eric said. “They’ve been in my ear for weeks now, asking how you are, if you’re bored, if I’m looking after you.”

Dele smiled. “Yeah. Suppose so.”

“As soon as you get back out there it’ll be fine.” Eric continued. “You’ll get right back into it.”

“Hopefully.” Dele added. He turned to the mirror, combing his hair for a moment. “God sake, I need a trim, this lockdown is a joke.”

“I’ve got a razor you can borrow.”

“No thanks, baldy.”

“You wanna drive yourself to training?”Eric laughed, poking Dele in the side as he walked past.

The younger man laughed, wriggling away. “Piss off, thats your duty as my boyfriend.”

“As well as everything else I do for you, yeah?” Eric wandered into the kitchen and grabbed his water bottle, filling it up.

Dele followed him through a moment later, stepping into his trainers. “Such as?”

“You’re really gonna make me list everything? We’ve got ten minutes before we can leave, not ten hours.” Eric laughed.

Dele rolled his eyes. “Didn’t know I was such a _burden_ , Diet.”

He moved round the kitchen island and wriggled inside the other mans arms without warning.

“Boyfriend… burden… same thing.” Eric teased, puling Dele against him and nuzzling into his hair. Silence fell for a moment before he spoke. “I missed this, going training with you.”

“Me too.” Dele muttered, cuddling back.He tilted his head up and Eric kissed him softly.

“Now, s’gonna be a good training session, ok?” he said in a steady voice. “Everything will get better from now on, Del.” 

Dele nodded slowly and smiled. “Yeah. Thanks.” he whispered. “Can we go now?”

Eric nodded and they met in another quick kiss before grabbing their bags and extra boots, heading out the door. It was cold outside, snow flurries swirling through the air.

“You need to get this thing cleaned, mate.” Dele tutted as he slid into the passenger seat of Eric’s Range Rover.

“You volunteering?” Eric shivered, starting the engine.

Dele snorted with laughter, relaxing back and pressing various buttons for the heated seats.

“Anyway, half of the rubbish is yours.” Eric noted, picking up random objects as evidence. “A Lucozade bottle, another comb, a phone case… Del, is that an empty packet of Haribo?”

“Alright, we dont need all the _details_ of every single bit of rubbish.” Dele said loftily. “Come on, get driving Diet, you said they’re all waiting for me.”

“If only they knew how difficult you can be.” Eric laughed, reversing slowly out the driveway. “Now, some good music please.” 

Dele nodded and began to skip through their usual tunes, settling back and singing along as they drove the short journey to the training ground.

“Ok?” Eric checked quietly as they pulled into the car park.

Dele nodded, eyeing the building for a moment. “Yeah.” he looked determined and Eric grabbed his hand, squeezing it.

Dele exhaled and squeezed back, tilting his head to look at the older man. “Just keep focused, keep calm, keep pushing on.” Eric murmured. “And dont tell the nutrition team but tonight we’ll celebrate with some unhealthy food.”

Dele grinned then, gripping Eric tighter. “Thanks.” he said quietly. “Love you.”

“I love you.” Eric whispered back. He let go of Dele’s hand then and nodded towards the building. “Come on. Time to smash it.”

“Time to smash it.” Dele echoed and they grabbed their bags from the boot and headed towards the doors.

Stronger together and ready for anything.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks again everyone x


End file.
